Life

Spam Ahoy!

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First foray into the spam folder.

This #50at50 goal might be easily accomplished but also less interesting than I’d hoped.

I have two primary email accounts, one Gmail which I’ve had for a few years and channel a couple of things to, and one Hotmail, which I’ve had for longer than I’ve had my children and keep because it’s a point of contact that most family has in an emergency, even the ones I don’t have on social media.

So I thought I’d try this first foray into the world of spam looking at the last 24 hours in my spam folders, cutting off at the time I’m writing this. I may paraphrase a bit, but I’m mostly going to take the email Subject or the first sentence.

I’ll start with Hotmail, the older account, which should have more than two decades of being scraped by services I don’t want:

  • “At the end of this year, we’re going to lose a subsidy and so we need you help.” From the leader of a provincial political party.
  • “The most effective way to get rich using Bitcoin.” Apparently, I can have 100% free access to their amazing platform.
  • “Hey, you look like you need a three-piece suit. Here’s one for $49.” While it actually looks like a decent suit, I’ve got eight that are still good in my closet from working as a manager for a bunch of years, plus a couple of spare jackets.
  • “How to prevent your pet from making your car dirty?” Here’s this really expensive thing to cover the entire inside of your car so you never have to worry about a dog print getting again. Okay, this one is actually pretty funny.
  • “Confront wealth disparity.” Talking about how much our government sucks with a subtext of I should be donating money to the organization.
  • “Bitcoin set to hit value of $100k within 5 years. Invest now.” Go away. Cryptocurrency is not good for the planet.
  • “Looking to earn some extra cash? Make money with Bitcoin.” Seriously, I don’t remember using the word out loud where any device could hear it. I don’t remember doing a search on it either. Ever.

On to Gmail:

  • “Take part in our marketing survey and get $90!” That I can only spend on your site. Right.
  • “Do you qualify? Check to see for CCW permit.” Apparently, it’s valid and recognized in 70% of the USA. I would say that it’s too bad I’m Canadian, but I think the appropriate response is WTF! Someone wants to give me a concealed carry permit by email?
  • “Get Maximum Sexual Benefits from THIS!” Seriously? Boner pill spam is still a thing?
  • “Free SEO Analysis for lanceschonberg.com.” Maybe I’m running in the wrong circles, but I haven’t come across the term SEO in the wild for at least a couple of years now.
  • “Lanceschonberg, Take part in our marketing survey and get $90!” Didn’t I get this already? Yes, yes I did.

So that’s trip number one into the world of spam. Somehow, I expected it to be more entertaining, something that might reflect some of my weird search history as a writer. This was mostly just sad, random scrapings of my address.

Maybe it will get better.

Maybe I’ll get a burst of all of these same subjects because I’ve written a blog post about it.

Cheer me up. Find something funny in your spam folder and tell me what it is.

Stay safe and be well, everyone.

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