• Life

    Overthinking

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    I have often in the past accused myself of overthinking things. I can’t help it. My brain is always running. I can’t sit still and relax. I can’t just do nothing. I have to be mentally active. It’s how I am, and I’m comfortable that.

    It does mean that sometimes I get wrapped up in my own internal logic problems. I try to figure things out and analyze them. I rehearse conversations that will never happen, just in case they do. (In fairness, I also prefer to rehearse conversations I know are going happen.) I try to never speak off-the-cuff, considering my words and the impact they might have before I do. This is a lesson learned the hard way, even though I thought I learned from observing other people. “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.”

    What a load of fecal matter. Broken bones, as long as you don’t have too many of them at once, will heal, and as long as they’re not shattered, they’ll usually do okay at it, especially if you have a little medical assistance. Bruises, scrapes, and cuts, yes sometimes you get scar tissue, but you’ll be functional. Words stay with you, stay in your mind, sometimes forever.

    There is no one who doesn’t have memories from years or decades ago of someone who said something that affected them so much, got them so upset or so angry, that they still remember the exact words and intonation after so much time has passed. Just remembering can call up the same feelings.

    Words can absolutely hurt you.

    So if I get stuck in a thought loop once in a while trying to figure out how to say something or do something that won’t have that negative impact on someone else, find a way that still makes my point but doesn’t destroy their picture of themselves or their thoughts, then I can live with that.

    I admit to being somewhat socially awkward. I think more people should be. I also don’t know that I’m ever going to be less socially awkward. I am who I am, and I work to ensure that I remain that person or get better in my own eyes.

    Life is still very limited, and I suppose that anyone can go through it as a self-centered, emotionally blind and crippled jerk.

    But why be that person if you don’t have to?

    Give yourself some credit. Give your brain some credit. It will work pretty well if you let it. I think most people know that, even the ones who don’t use it, we’re just afraid of not sitting in, of being different.

    Screw it. Be different. Be yourself. Use your brain.

    Be well, everyone.

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