Completely Smegging Ungripped

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So bear with me for a minute. Red Dwarf, Series 4, episode 6, “Meltdown”.

The episode opens with three of the principle characters, Rimmer, Lister, and Cat, sitting in their quarters. Rimmer is describing in painful detail the dice throws of a Risk game played at age 17.

Things you need to know. Lister is slowly being driven crazy. Rimmer is completely oblivious. Smeg is a general purpose swear word you can substitute for any or all of the standards.

The actual scene lasts about three minutes. The whole episode appears to be available here and this is pulled from the first scene. After the first scene, things get exciting with wax robots and teleporters and wars and stuff.

Lister: What I want to know, is how the smeg can you remember what dice you threw at a game you played when you were seventeen?

Rimmer: I jotted it down in my Risk campaign book. I always used to do that so I could replay my moments of glory over a glass of brandy in the sleeping quarters. I ask you, what better way is there to spend a Saturday night?

Cat: You got me.

Rimmer: So a six and a three and he came back with a three and a two.

Lister: Rimmer, can’t you tell the story is not gripping me? I’m in a state of non-gripness, I am completely smegging ungripped. Shut the smeg up.

Rimmer: Don’t you want to hear the Risk story?

Lister: That’s what I’ve been saying for the last fifteen minutes.

Rimmer: But I thought that was because I hadn’t got to the really interesting bit.

Lister: What really interesting bit?

Rimmer: Ah well, that was about two hours later, after he’d thrown a three and a two and I’d thrown a four and a one. I picked up the dice–

Lister: Hang on Rimmer, hang on. The really interesting bit is exactly the same as the dull bit.

Rimmer: You don’t know what I did with the dice though, do you? For all you know, I could have jammed them up his nostrils, head butted him on the nose and they could have blasted out of his ears. That would’ve been quite interesting.

Lister: Okay, Rimmer. What did you do with the dice?

Rimmer: I threw a five and a two.

Lister: And that’s the really interesting bit?

Rimmer: Well it was interesting to me. It got me into Irkutsk.

Now, go back and read this again. (You don’t have to. I’m just illustrating a point.) This time substitute me for Lister. Then replace Rimmer with a random Poker player telling me about the tournament he was in a year ago last Thursday.

It’s a remarkable parallel.

You can probably find your own. It’s a wonderful thing that we can all find something to be completely obsessed with. It’s a sad and annoying thing to the people around us when we aren’t able to realize the whole world doesn’t share that obsession.

This wasn’t about work because I don’t talk about work away from work. However, there are times when I am completely smegging ungripped. I’m just too polite to say so.

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