Life,  Musings

Overthinking. Yeah, that’s me.

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I’m frequently accused of overthinking things, and if I’m not, I should be. I don’t see it as a bad thing most of the time, although there are times when it does hold me back from making a decision or confronting something for maybe a little too long. But I think it’s important to continually question your own beliefs and motivations. If you don’t, if you assume that you’ve already arrived at the right conclusion without doing any work to get there, so how will you learn and grow?

And growth is important to me. I want to live the most honest and truthful life that I can, the best life that I can. All of the decisions I’ve ever made have brought me to the point I’m at now. Every time I’ve taken the easy path, it’s led to something that’s more difficult later on, so I need to consider things more deeply.

I didn’t come out of the box this way, however it might seem now. I’m closing in on 48 years old, and I’m still learning about myself, who I am, what I want, what I can and should or should not do.

I am openly, if not necessarily vocally, an atheist. Certain groups of folks will sneer at that, saying it means your life has no purpose because that’s what you believe, right? You may not be surprised to learn I think that’s the wrong way to look at things. Knowing that I have “no meaning, no purpose” forced on me by an external, supernatural force, I have to eventually come to the realization that any meaning or purpose there is to be in my life is something I have to discover and create on my own. If I coast through life, always taking the easy path, what meaning will life have? What purpose will I have created? I’m not interested in reaching the end of my life and looking back on a meaningless existence. Evolution has gifted me with consciousness, with self-awareness, and with an intellect. If I don’t use that, all of it, am I even fully sapient?

So yes, I question my beliefs, I question my motivations, I question my actions. I overthink things. And I look at things after-the-fact to see what I can learn from how they turned out. Am I having an impact on the people around me? On the pieces of society I touch? On the world?

What am I doing to make the world a better place? Will my actions, the story of my life, add up to having been a positive impact on the world, however small, considering I am one of billions? What can I do to make that tiny amount of good larger?

Am I setting a good example?

I want to, but I don’t know that I always am.

Something to work on. Something to think about.

Be well, everyone.

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