Life

I’m a little distracted.

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As I suggested yesterday, I’ve bene thinking it’s coming close to time to upgrade myself, to find my way to the new version.

To review: insert “COVID completely shut down my industry” speech here. I fully expected to return to work eventually. Actually, I fully expected to return to work before now. When we left work near the end of March, we were collectively predicting 8-10 weeks. When that much time had passed, with the pandemic not under control yet but trending in my province like it was going to improve and the precautions we were all taking were making a difference, the people I had contact with were now anticipating no later than Labour Day.

I’m no longer anticipating going back. That wasn’t my decision.

I do understand it, looking at things from a corporate financial perspective. If the business itself is still unknown and my piece of it isn’t going to open for a while even after the business gets to relaunch, why keep me dangling? It may make a great deal of sense to give me a little severance and hire someone else to do the job in however many months from now they actually need someone.

Whenever that is. My predictions on things haven’t exactly been hits so far and I look at how the government is moving on regulations, do a little back of the envelope math, and come to the conclusion that it’s going to be a while yet.

So I’m not angry and I’m not unhappy. Ultimately, I’m not even disappointed. I’m already looking at this as a good thing for me.

But it does leave a big gap in my world at the moment. There’s this large chapter of my life that’s unexpectedly over and if I’ve been feeling that I might need something of a change in the next few years, the timeframe on that change just leapt ahead into the present.

Here’s what I know:

  1. I’m suddenly free to choose a new path.
  2. I like being home more and available for my family more.
  3. I have an incredible and supportive family.
  4. I have dreams I want to pursue.
  5. I need my life and activities to have meaning and, ultimately, to help me make some small piece of the world a better place.

The question then becomes what path and what dreams? I have a little breathing space to consider my options but some of those paths would be better jumped on just due to what time of year it is, so there is time pressure involved, or could be. This is a chance to reboot, reinvent, rebuild, but do I want to stress myself trying to make the decision too quickly? Am I already? It’s not like I haven’t been thinking about things, fleshing out those dreams, for years, so maybe making the decision quickly shouldn’t bother me so much. Maybe I’ve been on the way to making this decision for a decade or so.

And really, I think things actually come down to only two basic paths, maybe even with a little space for sightseeing and detours, and they both contain a lot of the same stuff, just blended differently.

Which means, maybe, I’m asking myself a different question.

Can I have all the dreams?

Stay safe and be well, everyone.

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